If you feel bad or have a bad day: Do I have to feel the same to support you?
I know in my brain that I am responsible for my own happiness and moods. No one can make me feel good or bad. I have the choice of how I approach each day. Yet when I see you struggle with nausea and pain, my heart hurts for you. Those are harder days for me to be with you. Cancer just sucks. I am honored that you don’t have to pretend to feel good for me. That is wasted energy. So I struggle to be present regardless of how your day goes, just to be there no matter what. What gets me through those tough days are knowing no matter how I feel emotionally, you feel that plus the physical symptoms. That I can be there with you, only you can figure out how to manage your own feelings.
Pain is a very individual experience. Your pain is yours and only you can deal with it. My pain is mine and only I can deal with it. You complain so rarely, I hate to ask how you feel as if that makes you think about it more. Plus don’t we both get tired of starting each day with : how to you feel? How do you think I feel? I have ongoing pain and nausea and I have cancer. Indeed. There has to be better questions. Would you like to go for a walk? I am making something to eat, would you like to join me?
Better yet let me give you a foot rub. I will stop asking questions and just tell you how much I care about you. Just a simple statement, I am glad you are here with me, I enjoy sitting outside with you. Then when you need to lay down and sleep, so be it. Agree that rest is good. No pushing or prodding to do more. You know more what your body needs than I do. Remember there will be good days and bad days. Accept that and give up the expectation of what any day might bring. My faith gives me the ability to let go, I am not in charge of the future. I can only deal with what i know right now. I have to believe that what I need will show up when I need it.That is how my moods level out. Showing up means I honor your moods, days and emotions without making them my own.